The year 2020 was now past. For many people, it was not the best year of their lives. Or maybe that applies practically to everyone. It's discussed everywhere, cursed by everyone, wished all the time to end, but yes, Covid-19 is real and is not over. Fortunately, people are starting to get vaccines and the condition in many countries is getting better or at least manageable. And for me (as it is my own self-reflection post), was there something to be grateful for?
First and foremost, I found 2020 a special year since my birth date was in the calendar (yes! - and yes, Feb 29). It was luckily a day when the pandemic was not yet big in Indonesia; thus, I could still celebrate my birthday as normal as it can be. I turned 24 and honestly, I did not know where God would lead me. Even now with me being in Hasselt, I still wonder where I can finally settle down and feel secure that I belong to a certain place.
Are you that kind of person who gets up on your birthday and feels grateful for the fact that you can still breathe on that day, that you shed tears? Yup, that's me. Looking back to February 29, 2020, it's weird honestly that I felt happy that day. I think being at home made me feel less sentimental, and I guess I was also excited about that day. I am not the type of person who endorses my own birthday and confidently reposts other people's instastory related to my day, I felt very embarassed about it. But I think I was happy nevertheless since it was indeed my birthday and it felt right to brag a little bit about it :p
The big event of my life throughout 2020 was my moving to Belgium for my master's study. Certainly, it was not an easy decision to accept the opportunity. I was waiting for a job application process which sadly was postponed (until finally resumed in October - you know which) due to the pandemic. On one side, I wanted the job so that I can secure my career first before continuing my education, but on the other side, it was like choosing something uncertain over something certain. Not that the master's study opportunity was a bad choice, but I tend to think a lot about what will happen after choosing something; which choice gives the least bad consequences.
Sometimes I wonder if the trees and animals concerns about their future, and whether they are grateful for everything that they go through day by day. I believe that they are happy nonetheless, so sometimes I also do wonder if I can be like them.
Thus, here I am, in Hasselt, Belgium. I am now towards the end of my 1st semester. I am grateful that the visa process went smoothly, I got a very nice studio with a good location and privacy, I could attend offline lectures albeit not many, not to mention an opportunity to learn more Dutch, and many grateful things I could think of but too many to be written in this post.
I also experienced many sad or generally bad moments. I regretted some of my actions and wished I gave more effort to certain moments. However, I believe it is humane to feel all kinds of emotions and realize that I am not perfect and should introspect myself to become a mature and better person. And then to be grateful that there is still a moment to realize and re-evaluate the past actions.
Now that it is 2021, it is inevitable that there are many things to think of. I have many dreams and many places to visit, but I also have some concerns about the future. It's hard to think of an uplifting saying for myself, so I think I will quote from one of my favorite bible passage:
Irene,
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:7 (NIV)
Cheers to a good 2021!
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